Blindly (from my album "sincerely, me."

I've been walking down this road too long, too far
And I'm thinking it's time that I turn back.
I'm losing myself in my own confusing rhythms
In the path from heart to brain I lack.

Wish the things I felt were clearer
Like the moonlight over me tonight.
You know all I want is to have you nearer
And a love so high that we'd take flight.

So long my ways, I wont miss you
I'll be all right this time.
Follow the lines and dreams can come true.
Just feel my way and shut out the light.

Don't understand how I can know
Just how and why I ought to feel
And then when it comes to feeling that feeling
My head stops it from being real

I wish that I could see right through you
To see just what you see in me
I get so scared someday I'll lose that, lose you
When you look inside and I'm empty

Chorus

But I won't forget
That first time I said those words
Though in my head, I know
It meant something more than this
Find my feelings, save them from the part of me
That confuses everything, when i knew all along
That my heart was never wrong

but the heart is deceitful above all.

11:09 PM

can i run away to another place and not belong here?

why does it get more difficult to live life nowadays.
i seem to find myself and then lose myself at terrible moments and my family bears the brunt of it.
such a sucker.

i don't want to do anything.
don't want to be busy and with all the labeling and what-nots.

i try my best to.



Rainbows, I can't find them
past the raindrops where the light bends
where the stories tell of people
finding beauty where the dark's hold lets go

If you want to smile with me,
Hold me close and lie with me
If you want to die with me
Handle my heart carefully
Make me believe you.

I've been searching dreary weather
for a cloud that's line in silver
but the rain keeps on falling
and my love, i am calling for you

If you want to smile with me,
Hold me close and lie with me
If you want to die with me
Handle my heart carefully
Make me believe you.

You can't change the hurt you've done
Please don't let us come undone
Make me forget
Make me forgive
Make me believe you.

If you want to smile with me,
Hold me close and lie with me
If you want to die with me
Handle my heart carefully
Make me believe you.
Make me believe



and then i sit still before you,
with my heart and mind full of these dreams and stories.
my hands lifted to you,
and i do not know what to say,
but to look at you and cry.
all the lists of to-dos and people to meet
and i tumble into bed,
not my bed
worn out and awaken to the days rustlings and bustle.

to see you in the kitchen in the morning
the light on while the dark and cold outside still lingers
but my heart warms up.

to see you sitting at the dining table and sipping coffee
and without a doubt,
a smaller cup of hot coffee
that doesn't really suit my taste
but i drink it up anyway.
perhaps it's your way of telling me you love me.
and i do too.

to see you running into the mrt
lookin consciously at the reflections that pass
trying not to make a fool of yourself.
and you catch the train
without a seat.
after catching your breath
and the day begins.




I feel defeated again
I'm always losing to myself
I tried to build a better me,
Shack to castle, and it fell down

I had the right intentions
Sometimes my hope envelopes me
And I can't learn the lesson
Not to send a goldfish to the sea

This matter is mine
Don't worry I'm fine
This matter is mine.
I'm not going to give it up.

I know what you've been thinking
Too soon to empty my cocoon
This butterfy is not ready
Wouldn't she know better than you

This matter is mine
Don't worry I'm fine
This matter is mine
I'm not going to give it up

this matter is mine.
i am not going to give it up.

and i will strive with all my heart
because i am living my life for you.
with all my nonsense and ramblings and trying to make sense out of everything talk but then it might not mean anything.

this matter is mine
don't worry im fine
this matter is mine
and Yours.

all the broken dreams and wishes that i have in this red thing that is beating in my heart. and maybe fairytales i build up in my mind.
aggh.
renew
renew
renew your mind.
i wish i could.

Labels: not to send a goldfish to the sea

9:27 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Sing To Me
(Polinar)
©2009 kwurke tunes pub. - ascap

I.
Tired
So tired of working from eight to five
Lately, I knew what came next in line
So desperate for a change
I need to face the music soon
But I think now is not the time

Sometimes
Emotions run from lowest to high
Changing with the tides just to survive
I need to find my place
I need to face the music soon
But I think now is not the time

Turn my nights into days
So lets start to soothe the pain away

Chorus:
Sing to me, sing to me
Sing to me now
Set my soul free from the world around

For just a little while
Sing to me now
Let everyone hear, go sing your heart out

II.
I need your song
When common sense just doesnt exist
And all the worst are hard to resist
You help me brace myself
You help me face the music
Soon Ill sing a song right back to you

Turn my nights into days
Lets begin to soothe the pain away





"One of a Kind"
(polinar)

as love comes and goes
i feel like giving up
so i'm praying for a better day
to come my way when
i feel as though hope is gone

oh, i dwell on the 'maybe's"
and my mind's going crazy
from the past i can't erase
still you say that you love me
and say that that you want me
this i can't explain

chorus:
(cause) after all
all of this time
there's been no one else
who stuck right by my side
once in a lifetime
not looking for a sign
to realize you are one of a kind

the way you are
never ceases to amaze me
you light up my eyes
like the sun
you're always there even when
the pouring rain falls down

oh, i don't know where i'm going
i keep hesitating walking down
this lonely road
so i'll walk right beside
i'll never want to leave you
you're the one i'm leaning on
(chorus)

i never want to stop loving you
i never want to stop wanting you
you're my everything
you make me sing
without you i just don't know what i'd do
without you my life is through
there's never a doubt in my heart
and my mind
oh, its true...

11:19 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

"Meant To Be"
(melissa polinar)
[kwurke tunes publishing ©2008 - ascap]

slowly stars go out each night
dark meets light, kiss the sun goodnight
new day comes as though life's just begun
you're now mine

and everytime you hold my hand
there's an understanding of who i am
new life is born, unlike before i'm now yours

you can feel it in the summer breeze
tonight, the world's at ease

chorus:
you are the one for me
after all the waiting i can finally breathe
earth and sky say what they may
i will love you all throughout my days
happiness happens when our hearts combine
when its you i'm with i come alive
its just so clear to see
darling, we are meant to be

your love is like amazing grace
sound so sweet i can almost taste
i've been given more
than what i could ever ask for
i am yours

i can feel it in the summer breeze
tonight, the world's at ease
(chorus)

(bridge)
i feel at home whenever you're around
i feel so secure, so safe and sound
what else can i say?
what else can i say?

Labels: your love is like amazing grace

2:46 PM

"Always Need You"
(ed cash, melissa polinar)

I.
I've made up my mind
To get tangled up with you
even though I'm undeserving
more than the sunshine
up in the great big blue
you satisfy my every yearning

like an arrow out of nowhere
you hit the center of my heart

Chorus:
your love is good
your love is real
it captures everything that I feel
I need you now
I needed you then
and I will always need you
always need you

II.
now that I'm here
everyday is new
I'm not going to look any longer
it's all so clear
everything pales to you
oh, your love just makes me stronger

like a shadow tied your heel
i'll follow wherever you go

Bridge:
I wanna climb to the top of a hill somewhere
and scream at the top of my lungs
the rain may come but I don't care
I'm gonna keep tellin' everyone that

your love is good
your love is real
it captures everything that I feel
I need you now
I needed you then
and I will always need you
always need you


she inspires me.

Labels: and so i bid you goodbye.

2:32 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i feel strange.
a little lost.
but then i seemed to have found myself and a little of what you are in me.

i learnt the previous nights,
to trust you.
and to give more of myself.
to love with a love that expects nothing.

and maybe i have.

i poured everything at your feet.

and again, i need that healing bow.
that healing touch.
to find myself again in your presence.
whole and complete.

because i'm starting to feel a little out of place again.
and the struggle between the flesh and the Spirit seems to begin again.

but i will press on.

and now i look through memories,
figments and fragments of my past life.
or at least the 10 years of my two decades.
and i wonder to myself if i have changed at all.

i have,
and i see myself falling.
and picking myself up.

and more so the past year.
which has seemed to fly past.
and i can't believe i still have to type the script out.
ugghhh.

ok i shall do it now.
and stop putting it off.

1:09 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

wow.
the most wonderful night of worship i have had in such a long time.
or maybe i'm just so desperate.
and broken before you.

the river in me flowed ever so strongly.
and this song blew me away;
wonderful song that had me crying again.

please enjoy:



wrap me in Your arms

take me to that place where i can be with You
make me more like You

and i see a new beginning,
a new life.
more deaths and lifes to come.
in You Jesus,
only You.

and i have hope
and joy
and everything else more in life.

You are everything i need
more than enough for me.

i feel free.

Labels: freedom in the name of Jesus.

2:30 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

an empty train.
how rare. and how i enjoyed that moment.
so surreal. and so foreign.
we were at Joo Koon. how cool was that.
we played a fool in the train.

and it was that morning that we went all the way to NUS bright and early for our run,
and it rained.
do you remember?




up to my neck.
and at my wits' end.


take my life and let it be
ever only for my King.
oh
here i stand arms open wide
oh
i am yours and you are mine


and this vespa is a comfort.
i shall ride it one day.

but for now,
i shall study.

and i ran just now.
walked out of the house with my parents not feeling very happy about it.

and i ran.
too many things in my head.
i had to.

and i let it out for awhile.
my mind and emotions and thoughts took over for awhile.
and i let it flow.
but not for long.

i thought, and wondered.
if you saw me.
what answers would i give?

the mind plays tricks on you.
and laughs in derision.

and i heard you say,
" i am forever in your life
i see you through the seasons
i cover you with my Mighty hand
lead you in my righteousness

so look to me
wait upon me.

and i try.
but my world at the moment seems to be falling,
and i can only smile and pretend everything is alright.

i shall sing my heart out on friday.
and hopefully win this competition.
i should have won it last year.

oh well.

earthly gains, i count but loss.
compared to knowing you Jesus.

knowing you Jesus
knowing you.

Labels: this my plea.

12:55 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will go strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace

to You be the glory.

i thank You for loving me.

so i look to You.
and not at the situations around me.

Labels: when did you fall in love with me?

1:13 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

the happenings at home make me want to move back to KE.
suddenly it seems easier and less painful to stay alone and in hall.
away from distractions.
from quarrels. disturbances. tv.
and everything else i could possibly think of.

it seems easier to stay up and still conc without falling asleep.

and you are with people who uds what u study and how stressful it can get.

i'm not complaining am i?

i just need someone to hug me and tell me everything will be fine.
when my nerves are frayed,
and im constantly bailing out water in this boat that seems to be so ready to sink.
and my pail has so many holes in them.

but You call me out of my boat.
and to walk on water.
alone.
and You stand in front of me.
ready to catch me when i fall,
and pull me out of the sinking water.

why do i feel most terrible at times when im supposed to be doing something realy important.
and my emotions are all wrecked,
and i end up losing my temper at the people i shouldn't be losing my temper with.

life seems to get bleaker every day you grow older.
what a wretched being i am.

and You still love me.
why?
it simply blows my mind away.

sighs.
and i want to come falling at your feet.
crying, and letting loose all that i keep inside of me.
to run and just fall down.
not care a hoot about anything else around me.
but i can't.

maybe i can,
or maybe i just need more breaking.

and i'm just having so many things on my mind i can hardly concentrate.
-grits my teeth-

i'll give thanks to you
with gratitude
for lessons learnt and how to trust in you

10:25 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i'm probably going out of my mind.
is it a hypo or a hyper?
i guess it's neither.

but what a collision of emotions.
what is it that i'm afraid to face?
or what is it that i don't want to reveal?

i couldn't answer,
or it could be that big terrible word: vulnerability.

the sad fact is that,
as you grow older,
you realise the world is such a bleak place.
that your joys are found less around around you.
and all you know is the beauty that lives within.
the love that makes everything comes alive.

and even then, sometimes,
i find it hard to make my way to you.
but as i flip through my diary,
you are faithful.
no matter what.
and that is what makes life worth the living isn't it?

You.
Jesus.
You make life worth the living.

because He lives,
i can face tomorrow
because He lives,
all fear is gone
because i know,
i know He holds the future
and life is worth the living
just because He lives.

yes. i nod my head and agree.

even though my heart and strength fails,
and what a flood of thoughts and doubts hit me.
i will find myself in you.

im losing myself just to find a place in your mind.
pull me in, take me out,
make me over.

Labels: dead.

3:06 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Fresh page, new pen
Where do I begin
Words fail, tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me

Deep breath, exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, Im still numb
Is there anyone
Who can find the things Im barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?

Right heart, wrong place
Its too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, Youre right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel you smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper non-sense

Simple exchange
Your will, Im changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank You, Amen.

-My Prayer
Chris Rice

And like a newborn baby
Dont be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk, sometimes we fall
so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain
then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

You move the earth
You hold the stars
Come move in us
Come hold our hearts
You send the rain
And life begins
So rain on us and reign within our lives again

We're waiting here
Waiting for you God
With our hopes and fears
We come empty hands held out
Lord draw us near
Heal these broken hearts
And lift us up to fall before everything you are

You lift the sun into the sky
You lift us up
Open our eyes
To see your face
And what you've done
You took the nails to give us love
And we stand in awe before your throne
There's no where else that we can go


there's no place else i can go.

Labels: you see every tear that falls.

2:22 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

it's finding my way back again.

to that secret place.
the beauty that beholds.

i finger the leaves in the trees that i walk past.
tracing my steps,
down a path that was once well-trodden.
i look around,
inhale and enjoy
for that brief moment of silence.

and my memories flood back.
of how i came to be.
of the tears that i've cried,
down on my knees
and into my pillow.
of moments spent laughing,
and tearing in joy.
of all my hopes and dreams.
that were lived,
and some lost.
some that are yet to come.

and all along,
you stood beside me.

silent and waiting,
watching.
with love and tenderness in your eyes.
your emotion soared high above mine,
every heartbeat.

and what would i give
to feel your heart in mine?
feel it beating against my own,
the closeness
and love.
what intimacy!
what joy!
what longing!
and you hold me ever so tightly in your arms.
whispering, "i love you."

school has started.
week 4.
and i'm so drained and tired out already.
so much work to do,
people to meet up.
and just so many sacrifices that have to be made.

to be called out.
consecrated.
set apart.
what a difficult thing to do! and yet what amazing grace that enables us to follow through and walk through this life we live in.
amzaing amazing grace and love.
what mercy!

how can we resurrect if we have not yet died?

Labels: i praise you for every day.

2:15 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

-

of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

-